Ain't perfect

If I could reach up and hold a star for every time you made me smile, I would have the whole night sky in the palm of my hand.


Alright , I'm officially out of work since yesterday ?
Actually , I was supposed to work till 6 yesterday .
But I'm just too angry about the matter so I just left at 1 once the another staff came .
I know I know , bad attitude . But , I've been tolerating since the last incident happened . Alright .
It's not as if I wanted things to happen like that . :s

So , girls won the match against Chung Cheng . Heard from Jocelyn as I went to meet her straight after my work .
Went changi airport cos I just feel like suddenly going there , & dear darling , she knew what I was thinking what to eat there . & it was popeyes .
After having our late lunch , she trained to meet her sisters . Whereas , I went to tamp to find my sister .
Hah , went into the storeroom , & there we goes cursing at the phillipino . Both of us really can't tolerate her nonsense anymore .
After that , had a quick chat . Okay , regretted changing my phone to blackberry . ):
Left around 7 & bused home .

Today , slept till 12 plus when I heard someone calling my name . LOLS .
It was my aunt , she came down as she's going for her checkup at the polyclinic just downstairs .
So , still was in a dreamy situation . :x
Aunt told me about the travel plans . Right now , I'm just waiting to take my passport .
It's confirm that either we will go genting for 3 days . Or batam for 2 days . OR , going both places like go batam first , then next we go genting . Which means 5 days . I was like , huh ?! Crazy ah . LOLS !
& my mum told me that i die die must come back by the 9 , if not , latest by 10 , in the morning .
Cos at night , we will be going out to celebrate ahgong's birthday .
Have lunch with aunt , then she went for her medical checkup & I went home .

Used computer , read online novel . :DD nice nice .
Then suddenly splitting headache till I can't take it anymore that I took a panadol & went for a nap .
Woke up at around 7 plus , felt better . Although , it still hurts for abit & feels like vomitting though . :s

Feeels like going for a jog at ecp or cycling .
Wants to enjoy my holiday before poly starts . LOLS !
I'm off to eat my grapes already . I love grapes ! :D

Maybe , I'll never meant to be .

Okay , i've got enough of it already .
That stupid phillipino really sucks .
I've made up my mind . I'm leaving work tomorrow right after the next staff comes for afternoon shift .
I'll don't care what she's gonna say cause it was her who told me that I can leave earlier .

Then , right after I leave I'm gonna find my Jocelyn darling .
Gonna rant at her about that stupid philippino .

& seriously , maybe blogging can kills .
So , maybe I shouldn't blog too much about my life .
I shouldn't post about how boring or how fun I spend my day .
I should only blog when I feels like ranting . Right ?

Sometimes , too much info doesn't do you good . Right ?

It sucks now , totally to the max .

& my stupid phone died on me while I'm on the phone with Jocelyn .
Shityou . Throw you down then you know .
I feel like smashing some electronic devices .


Maybe . Maybe . Maybe .
There's alot of maybe & if for us to wonder .
But , other than wondering , what more can we do ?

RAAAAAAAH !

I'm so fuck up now .
Supposedly my ivy sister should be coming down to vivo tomorrow to work with me .
Yet , because of that stupid phillipino , she can't .
Who does she thinks she is ?!
She only knows how to complain & backstabbing people at the back .
You can't even yawn , lean against something or slouch , if not she will keep nagging at your ears .

So what if I'm good friend with the colleague ?
It doesn't means that we're not going to do sales or work la .
It's true that we will talk , but it's not like we will talk till customer comes in & yet ignore their presence right ?!
She really sucks , to the core .
Stupid bitch .

Can't stand this job anymore , even my salary they can even count wrong.
Luckily tomorrow last day .
Shithole . I'm not going to tolerate anymore .
Fuck those people . Damnyou .

Meet up .

Just got back home . Lazy to on the tv everything , so just sat down and blog .
Went to school with Joshua to take testimonial , supposed to meet at 10:30 , but was late .
Didn't even realized that he was just behind me until I turned around & saw him . :s
He's a nice soul to accompany me back even when he took his already .
Wanted to find mrs quek for a chit chat session , but sadly , she said that she's busy .
Bused to tamp . Lunch @ BBQ chicken , & Joshua treated me . (: thanks , brother . I owe you one .
Then went to buy tickets for 'how to train your dragon' 3D , nice movie .
& the dragon is soooooooooooo cute ~
Went to open area , cause he wanted to smoke . :s
Bought bbt , waited for Nick & benson arrival .
They ate @ say cheeze , sat down with them & heard of many stupid and funny things .
They left cos they're going to bugis , Josh and I decided to go back to school there & slack .
Sadly , Roy couldn't join us .
Sat down there , talked about craps until 6:30 & left .

Oohhhhhhooooo , I saw Cheukhin at my house bus stop ! :D
He sent his girlf back home luh . LOLS . No wonder I find that person so familiar .

Tomorrow will be my last day of work & I'm officially free .
I can enjoy my life already till poly life starts . :D
& the best thing is that my ivy sister is coming down to vivo & work with me !!!!!!
Omg !! Can't wait for tomorrow . :DD

& thanks Josh brother , for being such a kind soul . (:
Meeeeet up soooon again , by the time we meet again , you will not be a smoker anymore cos you promised .

Off to have a nice bath . (:

10 years .

I can't fall asleep . ): sad , tomorrow's working morning shift , if I don't get my sleep now , tomorrow will be a worst day .

Caught Brilliante III yesterday with dearest & my darlings . (:
Woke up around 8plus & went down to lavender to renew my passport along with my mum .
Trained back to bedok , bought some food to ahma house . Left around 12 plus .
Reached home - prepared - meet dearest .
Trained to city hall , long john-ed & walked around .
Trained to tampines to meet darlings for dinner at Ajisen .
Cabbed to school & went to hall to wait for the start of the concert .
They said they rent air conditioner , like no use ? No difference without renting it anyway .
I can sleeep , like seriously . :s
End around 9 plus & home sweet home.

Today , slept till 11 plus but still don't feel like waking up .
Went down to pray . Emotions overwhelmed me . Like seriously , I feel like crying once I stepped out of the place .

I never saw my grandfather once , cos he passed way before since I was born .
So , I don't feel the bond there , I can only know him through my daddy .
However , the moment I saw my uncle , I then realized , it's been that long .
10 years , it's been 10 years since you left .
10 years ago , I'm just 6 . A little girl who knew nothing about life & death .

I still remembered , when I was young , every sat , I often pestered my daddy to bring me down to the west area just to find my uncle , aunt & cousins .
That time , cousins & I doesn't know how to cycle . I still remembered how he taught us one by one .
I still remembered , he hold onto the back of the bike & keep on telling me to peddle till he loosens his hand .
I still remembered , he'll always brought us to swensens for ice cream treats .
I still remembered we went to Indonesia once , where we had lots of funs .
I still remembered how often my brother & I will run to their house for a stayover .

10 years ago , it was a happy beginning to start with it .
It should end with a happy ending , yet it's not .
A trip to zoo , end up a trip to the hospital .
4 kids , sitting at the benches , waiting silently .
Adults , pacing up & down , whispering to each other .
Relatives slowly filed in , came by & gave encouragement .
I still remembered , how I hold on to my cousin hand , her expression gave it all out - fear .
Whereas , my little cousin , at the age of 3 , what did he know ? He doesn't even knows that his dad is leaving him .
He just sat there , innocently , looking at the people around him .
The last time I saw him alive , was that day when I took a last look at him , with needles & machines all over him .

10 years , time passed so fast that I didn't realized he's gone for 10 years .
If I didn't look back at our photo albums , if I didn't take a clear look of his picture today , I would definitely forgotten how he looked like .
I had my parents with me more than 10 years .
Yet , my cousins only had 7 years & 3 years respectively with their daddy .

Uncle , I missed you so much . ):

孤独万岁，失恋无罪

Saw those chinese words ?
It's the lyrics from one of the A-Lin songs, her songs is superb .
My itouch is playing her song now . :D

Off day , went out with cousin & aunt .
Somerset first , walked around doing nothing , just plain talking .
Cousin going to Egypt soon , I was like , huh ?!
She asked if I wanna go with her & her friends , I was like no thanks . :s
She wants to sit on the camel . -.-
Ang Mo Kio next , went for manicure , since aunt signed up for the package a time ago .
Sat there till want to die . & aunt went to sign for another package again .
Dinner , was chatting about travel plans .
They wanna go to hong kong or Taiwan next week , but my passport not yet renew . /:
If not , they wanna go Malaysia . Was wondering where they actually plan to go .

They : you confirm 100% want go ma ?
I : I 100% in my heart wanna go la , but I also need get my parents 100% first .

& they agree with me about that .
Bought pink panther from mini tooooons ~
Dalang ~ :DD
Took bus 25 home , & I tell you the bus driver take his own sweet time to drive until I wanna sleep already .
Talking about bus driver , I met a kind soul this noon .
Board the bus from my house to the next stop which was bedok inter .
But sadly , when I tap my card , the reader said pay cash .
I turned around , preparing to alight & go back home to take my coins , when the door closed .
I looked at the driver & told him I got no coins with him .
When he knew that I'm alighting at inter , he just nod his head & let me have a free ride .
Thank-ed him , it's been such a long time since I met a good soul driver . (:

Discussed the travel trip with parents just now , I don't know what was their reactions .
Cos they just said , if you wanna go , then you need to fill up the form to renew my passport already .
So I just , orh.

My daddy hate the song of Nobody .
Like LOLS ! Mum told me that my dad thinks the song is full of vulgarities !
So my mum purposely asked me to put the song in her phone & set as her ring tone & alarm clock .
Imagine , my dad had to hear the song every morning , or even the chances of hearing it when they're out if someone phoned my mum .
How cute can he be . :D


Anyway , I supposed it's back to normal already . *sigh of relieve*

Morning shift tomorrow @ vivo :( gotta wake up early .
But time passes esp fast when working morning shift .
Friday , off day . Which means outing with dearest , then back to school for brilliante .
Saturday , off day again to pray my grandpa death anniversary .

Time to sleep , there's a new comer on my bed from now on . It's pink panther .
Piglet & pink panther will make a good friend , cos they're both pink in colour ! :D
Gooodnight peeps (:

Breakdown

I need to have a good sleep , torturing myself by lacking of sleep these few days .

Your words stings .
It hurts so much to even think of it .
How much more can I go on , do you have any idea ?

I'm fine , yes , I'm all along fine with it .
Around 2 to 3 more weeks to poly life .
Yes , then your mind won't be occupied by too many rubbish or stupid nonsense .
You'll get along with it , sooon . ( hope so )

It's so tiring already .
Even though I wanna to keep it going , will you even allow to ?
Or , is it me that could allow myself to cross over this barrier ?
Maybe it's my problem , maybe it's not .
But , your words are too harsh already .

Trust not there , everything's not in places .
How many more days , or months , can I or we fix it back ?
Suffocating , the thoughts are already killing my brain .
It make it even harder .

Drink drink drink drink ~
I neeeeeeeeed 1 drinking session , again .
It's time to meet up with my great buddies already ( Roy , Joshua , Jeremy , cheuk hin even )
Missed out the class chalet the other time , this goes my chance of meeting them .
& the stupid first 2 buddies listed have been pestering me , to meet up . Because , they're bored .
I wanna take their head & bang against the wall already . Stupid buddies .

Sleep already , kenglin .
Your immune system gonna spoil if you continue this way man .
Oh , going out with cousin & aunt tomorrow . Wheeeeee ~
Let's get your beauty sleep .

原来，真的没有什么东西，完美得值得我们用生命去坚持。

It ain't perfect.

Time check , 12:10 AM
I'm supposed to sleep alr , or at least in my lala land , as what I told or promised .
No , I'm just mentally tired . But not physically tired .
I'm not supposed to drop a single tear , but I am right now .
Kenglin , why can't you just be fucking strong ?!
Why are you like a stupid , fucking little woman who cries at night .
It's not worth it , can't you see it through ?!

I miss my darlings . )':
I miss their hugs & consoles .
I miss the time when they will use all sorts of method to make me smile.
I miss whining to them , I miss them .

Anyone wanna bring me out for a screaming session ?

So mentally tired , that I don't know what to do already .
Darlings , please see this . Organize 1 outing before all of us are busying with poly life .

It's not your fault , girl .
This isn't what you want .
You ain't perfect , you got your own flaws.
You can't blame this for happening .
You tried , yes . I tried .

Jocelyn darling , blujazz soon . Just the 2 of us or 3 of us .
I miss the calming music there , I miss the friendly waitress who always had a smile on her face .
I miss the dark surroundings , & I miss the silence , except for our chit chatting noises.

I need sleeping pills , to calm me down , and to let me fall asleep asap .

手指不会动了，眼泪不会流了，时间不会走了。

Wondering WHY

It's been quite a time since I last blogged.
Life now , are just like a daily routine.
Wake up , work , home , & bed time then back to the square .
Time check : 2:17 AM , yes , I'm supposed to be sleeping or in my lala land already .

Problems , back to the square one . I supposed .
Maybe , I'm just a paranoid person . But , it's not something I wished to be one .
Like what friends said , one can help his/her friends when they met with troubles .
But when one met his/her own one , one can't help himself/herself that much.
It's true though , I've been giving advice , everything I could help for my beloved friends , for people who meant something to me .
But , when I'm down with problems , it's hard for me to even find a way out for myself . Like , HAH !
Ohmansx , I don't think I deserved this treatment , by torturing my sleep time .

Met up with Jocelyn last week for outing . IT fair , BluJazz .
It felt better , or I felt calmer , when I'm around somewhere where it's quiet , calm & with soothing music .
Nothing makes it even better than that .
Song listening to now : Nobody - Wonder Girls
It's like , all the recent songs I heard of was of a slower rythm , suddenly change to a pop one , it scared me .

Work was alright . Transferred to raffles city , new environment again .
I went to all the outlets of Jwest already , left with department stores . Are they going to transfer me to there , then ?
Sometimes , it sucks . To wondering why are they transferring you to & fro then . Annoying .
It's like , everytime , I'm used to a new environment , within weeks , I'm being transferred to a new one .
New shoes , new arrangements , new counter . I felt , uneasy . Or even , clumsy .
Sometimes , i wonder what are the heads thinking man . They really like to mess up their staff schedule . Duty roster is also in a mess .
& also , everytime being transferred . It meant , new faces . Not the ones you used to face .
But the staff there are friendly , like seriously . It just takes only 1 day to warm up with them . (:

I missed working at tamp1 though . Even if I worked there now , my favourite or best sisters won't be there anymore .
F.nee sister got transferred to department store @ taka . My favourite ivy sister just started her school , busying studying to get her master cert .
It takes 1 week to warm up with them , to be that close to them .
It only takes the heads 1 day , to decide for separating us . ):
I still remember the times when I was working alone , the familiar storeroom at tamp1 , the familiar counter .
I can imagine how the 3 of us used to work together . Talking away , eating snacks away , talked about shows , listened to scary stories .
& even the time when i was being forced to watch 1 short scary show , I still remember how I clung to the shelfs & half crying & shouting that I don't wanna watch it . & their reactions , which was to laugh at me and teased me .
I remembered how i was being forced by them to sit on the chair , so that they can play with my hair , & doll me up with their accessories / make-up .
I still remember what was our last farewell meal , a good one though . Popeyes , we sat in the storeroom , enjoying for the last moment that we can eat together .
This is life , things that you can't control , because you don't have the power to stop it or letting it happen .

Working @ raffles isn't bad , but my mood was worst .
Because all I can see , was customers , & shoes ,
I'm so used to standing opposite Dorothy Perkins , looking at the clothes or shorts they have , & discussing which one was nicer .
Now , Dorothy Perkins was replaced by Topshop , which I can see nothing . Even if I saw something , who else can I call to & discuss with ?
I'm so used to having my seat being shared with someone while eating lunch or dinner .
But now , the seat is just mine , alone .
I'm so used to having someone to talk to while eating , but now , it became a communication between texts , caring for one another through messages .
Looking back , I realized how much fun they brought to me , how much memorable memories we once had . At least , we knew that , there's these sisterhood bond in us .
I missed taking bus rides , but not mrt rides .

Maybe , this is how work life is supposed to be .
But , how saddening it can be , to know that , each of us went a separate ways , working at different counters .

As for family , how sad . I always off on weekdays , not on weekends . Family outing , nah .
I'm so used to how life was when I'm still schooling , after school , back home . Dinner will be well prepared by mummy , & then family dinner .
I think , it's been months since I last sat down together with my family , for just a simple meal .
In the past , I'll always wished I could have more times to go out & enjoy .
But now , how I really truly wished , I could have more time for my family . ):
I still remembered how i was touched to tears , when my mummy reminded me that she will leave one bowl of soup for me after my work .
Whenever I'm home , there'll always be one bowl of hot soup , waiting for me . While my parents were fast asleep .
Before work , mummy always whipped up healthy & delicious food for me .
I asked her one time , why did you cook so much , I can't possibly finish it all up by myself .
She said , because I don't know what food you're eating outside , so I cooked more healthy food for you to fill up your stomach so you won't feel hungry .
It's fortunate , to know that , my parents have always been giving me the silence support whenever I needed .
The greatest wealth of one is to know that , you love them , & they love you back too. Isn't it true ?
I realized the weakness of life , you never know when your loved ones will leave you .
& when they're gone , it's all too late to regret & feel remorse over it . It can't turn the reality , though .

Enough of all these crappy stuff , but what I said , is all what I'm feeling now , deep felt emotions all whelming up in me .
Hah , I think it's time for a self-reflection for me .
I never had my own thinking , nor how I want to change for the better , for 2010 .
I just want the year to pass like a normal year .
But sometimes , the things you wished for , will never come true . Unless you put in your effort , & make it a real one. That should be the most rewarding gifts you ever had .
So , it's not too late for me to reflect on myself . Yes , kenglin , make the year of 2010 a happy one for you , make no regrets , make your life shine like a shining star .
Polished yourself , to be a better person . (:

Okay well , back to topic . It's my off day yesterday , it's already past 12 midnight when I post this .
So , orchard with none other than my lovely sister .
Fruitful shopping trip though . (:
Swensens for lunch , & I almost slipped and fall when I half hopped to the seat where the waitress lead to.
Luckily , my reaction was fast enough . Knowing that I'm gonna slip soon , I quickly rush to the seat , no , run , & plopped myself on it .
I think , i frightened the waitress , cos she was like aaaaaaah , be careful . & I heard sister shrieked behind me .
But once we settled down , we were laughing all the way . Embarassed like mad .
We got so much to say that we sat from 2 plus to 4 plus , which was like 2 hours there enjoying out food & chatting about how life been .
Mango aftermath , bought one tank top & 1 long sleeve checked shirt . Love at first sight . HAH ! Sister bought 2 tank tops .
Then , bought short & one polka dolt shirt @ Pull & Bear .
Another simple shirt @ ZARA . Like wheeeeeeets ~ it's been so long since I went for a shopping spree . Happy to the max ! :D
Went for a lookout for flats , because she wanted to buy . But in the end , none of the flats we saw caught her interest .
But , we got the same amount of things . 1 shorts & 4 shirts . :D
Dine in @ Xin Wang hong kong cafe . Laughed crazy cos I used some stupid phrases or words that make her laughed like mad .
Then , bused back home . Taking pictures with sister is a tough job , cos she will keep move around , if not , both our hair got holes . /:
& in the end she said she coming down to raffles on Sunday just to find me for dinner & to take more pictures . Like LOLS !
But I totally love the idea of it . :DD

Alright , it's time I should get some sleep . Time check : 3:28 AM .
Like wooooots , alright , reflection done , so yes , I felt much more lighter & calmer after all this declaration . Lols !

有时，失去并不是件坏事。
因为失去，才懂得珍惜。
最后，就不会再犯同样的错误。(: