Lies hidden beneath masks .

Time check : 1:35 am
Most of the time , I'll be already sleeping soundly , kicking my blanket down the bed .
Two hours ago , I'm complaining tired .
Two hours from then , I'm lying on my bed . Piglet staring at me innocently . Everyone should be asleep , except for me .
Something is bothering me , but I'm clueless about what is that actually . :s

Work seems fine , customers not giving me any problems . All were friendly , all had smile on their faces . Encouraging though , to encourage me to work even harder . Serving such customers brings me happiness .
But on the other side , work seems not fine . Because , I'm running between 2 , no , is 3 places this week . Tampines , to millenia walk , to vivo , then to millenia walk , & back to tampines on weekends .
Another reason is that , I can't , I will never ever tolerate the silence . Without big sister there with me to play & chat along with me , the silence is just too intolerable for me to take . I need to blast the music , I need to sing along with the songs . I need to check my phone from time to time to check if there's any text . I need to bring along a book , to kill away the boredom & the silence .
It bothers me whenever I realized that the music has stops , the shop just feels so lonely , & I'll feel the same way like how the shop feels . Lonely & more lonely .
It's so sad , no , pathetic even , to know that my life hat consist of work , home , work and home . Where's my youth ? Where's all those fun that's awaiting for me ?
Upset right now , for I couldn't attend the class bbq . I just missed my secondary school friends , I just wanna know how've they been thus few months . Stupid job , I hate you now ! Because of you , I've gotta sacrifice my class gathering . Damn you , stupid stupid job !

What's up next ? I've got no idea .
I just wanna keep on ranting and ranting , until I got sick if it .
I ........... just .......... feeels .......... like .......... DRINKING . :s
First time ever , I wanna go buy those liquors & get myself drunk .

Nothing seems to perk me up right now . Not even the mention of Show name , not even my favourite Jungmin .
What keeps me going these few days , was the continuous reading of new moon .
Ohhey , Jacob , your unrequited love towards Bella .
Your sacrifices for her , just to make sure that she's alright and in one piece ,
Edward , I hate you . /: for hurting Bella , for the pain that you caused her everytine she dreamt of you or when your name was mention .
But why , oh why , tell me why , why Bella & Edward still got back together ?
Unfair , these is totally unfair ! Jacob , then , what's going to happen to him ? What did he get in the end ?
Aaaaaaaaah , I should stop all these stupid nonsense . What's wrong with me ?
But , it's always so touching when it comes to Jacob part , when I know that if I continue reading I'll be sobbing , but I just wants to continue & continue .
Romance , why is it so hard to tackle ? Why , oh please , tell me why .

Wake up , you silly girl ! Yes yes , I should pull myself back to reality . There's no vampires nor werewolf existing in this world .
I miss schoool . Even though I hate it when I gotta pull myself out of my bed , & dragged myself to school , & when lessons always end late .
I miss my classmates , even though when there's misunderstanding . But they never fails to be there when you need a listening ear .
I miss my maths group , cheuk hin , Jeremy , decong , daryl & Joshua . Those stupid jokes , & always getting chased out of class because they caught talking in class .
I miss art lessons , when everyone will run everywhere & anywhere just to get a peep of what others were drawing . Esp when there's bee that flew in , where the girls were busy screaming their head off , searching of something to protect from getting a bee sting .
I miss recess & lunch breaks . Because it's time when I meet up with my darlings to talk & gossip around . I miss getting nagged by them , I muss those stupid faces they gave me when I said or do something wrong . I miss how we laughed our head off over small jokes , or even when we were teasing one another .
I miss basketball trainings , I miss shouting the basketball cheers , I miss running around , I miss the times when we used towel to smack at each other . I miss playing match with the usual ones . I miss cheering each other on , or giving a pat on the back to concern about one another . Lastly , I miss the coach who always got fooled by us .
I miss the teachers , I miss the drink store always so cheerful auntie .
I miss studying session with Rowena at school . Always promised to say that we'll study , but in the end , we sat there gossiping & touring around the school .
I miss my uniform , my books , my bag , & my beautiful seat near the window .
Ohman , I miss school , damn damn lot .

Enough enough , that's all past . Yes , it's all past ): how sad .

I need a screaming session , yes . There's like something bottling up in me .
I need sleeping pills , to let me fall asleep .
I miss my big sister , so that she can give me advice in what to do next .
I miss Rowena , for it's been so long since we last went out . Outing as promised , it'll be soon .

Oh my , my dear boy , I need you right now , after all those mess .
I want you to lock your fingers to mine , & not let go .
I want you to always play with my hair , & say that you're jealous of my long hair .
I like to hear you say , eh , you eat very slow eh .
And many more , I need a hug now , yes now . You promised .
Dear boy , yes yes , you know what I wanna say . Imissyou .

Lock your eyes to mine , & say you love me .